Trying to keep emotions in check (inauthenticity?)

I've been thinking a lot about transitions lately, with our impending move and impending baby. Tomorrow night's the last Large Group of the year as well. Seniors will be sharing and I'll be trying to keep my emotions in check.

Why is that? Why will I be trying to keep my emotions in check?

I went back and read some of my old Xanga posts from around the time I left Duke and I was so visibly emotional. All over the place. Thankfully, nobody read Xanga.

Around that same time, GCF cut a worship CD. One track on that CD was a spoken-word, vision presentation. The student speaking shared his heart for everyone at W&L to hear the gospel and unpacked this vision for an Ephesus style ministry.

In GCF we've really tried to embrace this Acts 19 model of ministry. Paul set up shop in the lecture hall of Tyrannus and over the course of two years "all the Jews and Greeks who lived in the province of Asia heard the word of the Lord." Our dream for our ministry here is that all students at W&L would experience meaningful opportunities to connect to Jesus. And, by God's grace, this is happening. Through Large Group and Small Groups, the word is going out.

Paul did in Ephesus what he came there to do. He was faithful and so was God. In Acts 20, Paul says "Goodbye" to the elders he had raised up in the Ephesian church and prays for them. And then the emotions break loose. Weeping, embracing and whatnot.

Why am I afraid of letting my emotions break loose? Why do I hesitate to share that part of my life?

For years I've longed for GCF to be the sort of community in which we could claim, like Paul, "We loved you so much that we were delighted to share with you not only the gospel of God but our lives as well, because you had become so dear to us." Why am I holding back this part of my life?

It could be out of a desire to not burden people.
It could be out of a drive for self-protection.
It could be out of habit.
It could be out of a desire to appear manly.
It could be out of a drive to be cool.
It could be out of habit.
It could be out of a desire to not distract.
It could be out of a drive to appear professional.
It could be out of habit.

People in ministry deeply struggle to share their lives as well as their gospel. I don't exactly know why, but I know that it takes a lot of work to push against the privacy current. Senior sharing is a good time to be emotional. Transitions are good times to be emotional. These emotions are important parts of our lives. I want to share them, but don't know if I can.

Sharing life in ministry truly requires God's help. God help us all!

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