Can you be a Christian wingman?

Scott and Margarette married yesterday. Amy, Will and I drove up for the wedding and had a really great time.

One of the highlights was serving as a groomsman. Scott's friends started to become my friends as we pranked, prayed and partied the evening away. During the evening, I encountered the title question.

One of the aforementioned groomsmen, a handsome and single fella, started talking to a bridesmaid on the edge of the dance floor. My instincts told me he was about to ask her to dance when ... out of nowhere ... another bridesmaid joined their conversation, talked for a few moments, then led the first woman away. My new friend flopped down in a chair next to me and confirmed my suspicions ... he was, indeed, "making a move."

What's my role in all this?

I could have intervened: asking the interloping bridesmaid to dance, inserting myself into the circle and providing conversational ballast, creating a distracting scene and giving my groomsman buddy one more chance to ask the woman to dance. You know, wingman stuff.

Can a Christian be a wingman with a clear conscience?

Short series! What's the role of Christian friends in romantic relationships?


  1. Can a Christian not be a wingman in good conscience? What reason do you have not to help him out? Selfishness?

    If he is a faithful Christian you'd be helping her out as well. There are many times when Christian women date non-christian men, and the Christian men stay single due in part to the non-Christians having better wingmen.

  2. Great comment, Heuy.

    You're totally right. Christian wingen can be a huge help ... and not just at a party.

    At this wedding, I held back because the ladies walked away before I could get a read on the situation. There was definitely some selfishness there, not wanting to take a social risk and be embarassed. This happens to me all the time, holding back in social situations for fear of embarassing myself. And I'm sure I'm not alone.

    Any advice on how to get past that?

  3. Oh, this is so good. I wish you could be at my Wednesday night men's group this week.

    There are so many things I could write. I am not married, and, don't know what its like to be married. But, I think that some married men have a hard time adjusting to their new social status. You need to realize, that it doesn't matter, and may actually be beneficial to you if all of the single women think you're a dufus.

    We went through Song of Solomon recently. At one time I believe the last Sunday on it, part of the message had a women are like cars analogy. (this always helps me:-P). But, anyhow, if you're in the market for a car, you look around, shop, once you're committed, and buy one, you stop looking. Translation, you're done seeing what girls are interested in you, or leading yourself into temptation.

    Where am I going with this. I have talked to married guys who are thinking about how they can look good and get attention from women. There needs to be a reminder that you're out of the game. You're just a prop there as you said providing ballast to the conversation. You shouldn't compete to be the alpha male. That is pride.

    In our society you're over the hill once you're married. In other centuries, singleness was a short season of your life. Many now want it to be long because they view it as the pinnacle of their lives.